The Final Stage of Maturity

It is a struggle to accept your parents for all that they are, and for all that they have been in the past. It is even more of a difficult task to endure your mother and father if they are insane, or possess some quality that is "off", that you can't quite put a finger on. If your parents have mental obstacles or issues of some sort, or are moderately passive aggressive, or simply had some major flaw, it is strenuous for us, their children, to recognize these qualities whilst living in their households and adhering to their rules. A child looks up to their parents, from day one, for they are the ones to raise you care for you, and love you passionately. If you are rejected in some other social form, you always have your parents to fall back on. We do not acknowledge, or are not aware, of how psychotic and deranged our parents truly are; we find them to be perfectly normal. But even when we do begin to discern this possible insanity or flaw within our parents, in our adolescent and teenage years, our perception of what are parents truly our is marred by a veil of hormones and self-obsessment.

I will not say that my parents possess some major flaw that everyone needs to be aware of; it is my opinion that my parents are relatively normal and are not verging on insanity, or any major defect in their character that I am aware of. But as I said before, while we are children, or what the law defines as children, it is a great hindrance to identify our parents' true imperfections and see them as the rest of the world sees them. My parents get on my nerves, sure, so do everyone else's. And maybe my mother can be a little overdramatic at times and my dad tyrannical. But these things are minuscule, and have done nothing to really prevent me from growing up in a stable environment, from my understanding. I've turned out reasonably normal, and therefore my parents had done their job accurately. Yet can the same be said for all people, especially those who have grown up in situations that are precarious?

I recently begun the book A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini, author of The Kite Runner, one of my favorite books. Mariam, the protagonist, lives with her mother on the outskirts of Herat, a city in Afghanistan. She was borne to a rich father, who lives in the heart of Herat and has three wives and nine other children. Her mother was poor, worked as a servant for her father's family, and Mariam only exists because of an accident, which her mother constantly reminds her of. She calls her harmani, meaning bastard, and pelts rocks at Mariam's half-brothers, who bring Mariam and her mother rice and sugar and flour every month as "penance" for what Jalil, Mariam's father, put Nana, Mariam's mother, through. He made her live far away, on the outskirts of his city, made her stay away from his true wives and children. He comes to visit Mariam every thursday, bearing gifts at times, and stories, yet is reluctant to tell her of his life in the city and the rich lives he experiences with his wives and sons. When Mariam escapes to the city, to attempt at spending time with her father, he acts as if he is not at home, and tells his servants to send her away, and Mariam refuses and eventually ends up sleeping on the street in front of her father's house. Her father lets her spend the night on the street in front of his house, and does not offer her lodging nor does her acknowledge her presence on the street. When Mariam goes back to her desolate house, sobbing, "Mariam saw. A gust of wind blew and parted  the drooping branches of the weeping willow like a curtain, and Mariam caught a glimpse of what was beneath the tree: The straight -backed chair, overturned. The rope dropping from a high branch. Nana hanging at the end of it."

This moment in the book is incredibly symbolic. Firstly, we see the defects that both Mariam's father and her mother possess, her mother possessing ones that are incredibly interesting, that will shape Mariam in the future and will probably flaw her deeply as well. Mariam's mother longs for Mariam's love and attention, and in turn loves her as well, yet masks this through hateful words for Mariam's father and a constant mention of Mariam's faults and what an awful child she is. Mariam's mother, Nana, hates herself for these spiteful words she throws at Mariam, for Mariam is the one person in the world who loves her. Mariam also despises her mother for being spiteful towards Jalil, Mariam's father, who Mariam loves desperately, and looks up to and models herself after. Mariam is so blinded by her love of Jalil that she does not see that his love for her is marred by his love for his ego, his image in the town of Herat. He will not allow Mariam to sleep under his roof, or give her shelter of any sort, and allows her to sleep on the street. Once Mariam sees that she truly is a burden to her father, she clearly sees that she is scum in her father's eyes, she now understands his flaws and, in a way, has grown up. When Mariam goes back to her home, she sees that her mother has committed suicide after Mariam chose to go see her father. Mariam here sees what her mother truly is; a mentally deranged woman who has been deeply traumatized in her past. Mariam grows here, too. It is my belief that when we see our parents for what they truly our, as the rest of the world sees them, we have grown up.

So whether growing up comes at the age of fifteen, as it did for Mariam, or when you're 50 and you finally realize that your mother has no friends for a reason, I believe that this is the juncture when we transition from child to adult.